If you can't say something nice...

I just got done reading a post  by the FlyLady that seemed like she was in my head for inspiration. It brings me to wonder, how considerate am I? 

I always felt like I was considerate. I truly care for many, many people. 

A conversation that I had with my dear friend keeps popping up in my mind. The response that I got from her when I was patting myself on the back...was less than atta girl. It was more like...ooohh girl...you shouldn't be braggin' on that. And you know, she was completely correct. No longer will I be so quick to put myself above anyone else. 'Cause ya know...within a few days time...someone else did the same thing to me. They even did it to my face. 

It's a difficult pill to swallow when a friend forgets to consider you and your feelings. That friend was excited! She felt as though she had accomplished something big. Surely she didn't consider how her bragging would put me down. If she could have seen my expression, and how it went from bright and shiny to dull and gloomy, clearly she would have noticed the lack of consideration and uttered those words differently. 

How many times have I done this? Have you ever tried to understand how your words affect others? More importantly, have you ever understood how your silence affects others? Why can't we? Why are we so self absorbed and unable to see how our actions affect the people we care about? It is baffling once you realize it. It is humiliating and humbling. 

It used to be more obvious. When our means of communication were more simple, the reactions were obvious. If I was inconsiderate to Sally as we walked to class, I could sense it in her stride. She slowed down when she was less than excited. When I talked to her on the phone, if I forgot to think about her feelings, she would let me know by using less enthusiasm in her voice. 

Conversations are difficult to read now. How can I tell by my daughters text message that she is upset? She didn't say she was upset. She didn't end the text with a frown =( And last week, when Betty Jo was IM'ing with me, she couldn't tell that I was offended. She didn't see all of the things that I erased before I hit enter. I told her that she was being hurtful, then I erased it. 

I've become aware. I've seen my lack of consideration and how it affects the people I love. I will add quickly, even if I don't express the words...it matters even in my thoughts. I was inconsiderate to a peer when I was bragging on myself with my friend. That peer is oblivious...but I am aware.

Expect to hear some kind words from me soon. Inspiring words are pretty easy to come by. It only takes a moment to make someone's day. So if you CAN say something nice...then by all means...SAY IT!!!

What's on your mind? It's the little things!

Facebook

 Every time I log in to Facebook..."What's on your mind?" Hmm...sometimes I share. Sometimes I keep what's on my mind all to myself. Sometimes, I want to share it. I want to scream it loudly. I think that it would offend a lot of people. 

Perhaps this post will be found on the ill side of some of the readers. Perhaps some of the readers need to re-evaluate the situation and take some time to look deeply with introspect. 

How do you define yourself as a friend? We all have them. Facebook is the perfect platform to see that. Just click on someone's profile...you will see...specific numbers of friends. What kind of friend are they? How many people on your personal friends list are truly friends...and how many are simply acquaintances in the simplest form or advanced form...just not quite to the friend status? 

Before we can decide who are friends are, we have to understand what a 'friend' is. Webster's defines a 'friend' as several different things. "One attached to another by affection or esteem" with a subgroup as "acquaintance", "a favored companion" would be my definition of a friend. Then let me add the word 'best' before that. "A person with whom someone shares extremely strong interpersonal ties with as a friend" so says Wiki. 

Now that the terms have been defined...let me tell you what sort of friend I am. I will hold your hair back as you are leaned over praying to the proverbial porcelain god because you had one too many shots of tequila. I'll listen as you scream the worst obscenities imaginable because your husband has crossed you yet again. I'll hold your hand and walk you through the room as you go to visit your child that is in the hospital for a reason you desperately need to know. And distance...is not even a concern. So you live in another town...and you are having a terrible day...I will drop a lovely little gift off on your doorstep. You are stuck at the office and need something to take your mind off of the stress from the day? Here is some Starbucks...just for you. Your first time to stand before a crowd of strangers that expect you to lead them to a healthier life...I would drive all the way to Oklahoma City for that. Yes...an hour and a half away...just to support you...YOU BETCHA!

Isn't that what friends do? They go out of their way to brighten someone else's day...don't they?  Or do they only relate to someone as long as it fits their schedule...or seems like they may gain from it somehow...or how it makes them look to everyone on the lovely world of Facebook? Hmm...my circle is small. There aren't many that can accept me with my ups and downs. I come with drama and opinions. And I'll let you in on a little secret...I come with feelings too. That's right. Easily affected feelings...the girlie kind. Not many are willing to accept all of that. Those that won't, meh, merely acquaintances. 

Oh, and what if we add the word best before it? Hmpfh...well...KATY BAR THE DOOR!!! Very little is off limits to the few with that title. I hold nothing back in their case. 

Two of my best friends are amazing. They know that it is the little things that count. They take time for me, just as I take time for them. Even those that live as far away as Oklahoma City or Petal. We have a reciprocating relationship. Very few limits.

Sigh...so. After reading all of that...unless you are a mere acquaintance...in which case you aren't even on this page...I hope that you look introspectively at our relationship. Is there room for improvement?