If you can't say something nice...

I just got done reading a post  by the FlyLady that seemed like she was in my head for inspiration. It brings me to wonder, how considerate am I? 

I always felt like I was considerate. I truly care for many, many people. 

A conversation that I had with my dear friend keeps popping up in my mind. The response that I got from her when I was patting myself on the back...was less than atta girl. It was more like...ooohh girl...you shouldn't be braggin' on that. And you know, she was completely correct. No longer will I be so quick to put myself above anyone else. 'Cause ya know...within a few days time...someone else did the same thing to me. They even did it to my face. 

It's a difficult pill to swallow when a friend forgets to consider you and your feelings. That friend was excited! She felt as though she had accomplished something big. Surely she didn't consider how her bragging would put me down. If she could have seen my expression, and how it went from bright and shiny to dull and gloomy, clearly she would have noticed the lack of consideration and uttered those words differently. 

How many times have I done this? Have you ever tried to understand how your words affect others? More importantly, have you ever understood how your silence affects others? Why can't we? Why are we so self absorbed and unable to see how our actions affect the people we care about? It is baffling once you realize it. It is humiliating and humbling. 

It used to be more obvious. When our means of communication were more simple, the reactions were obvious. If I was inconsiderate to Sally as we walked to class, I could sense it in her stride. She slowed down when she was less than excited. When I talked to her on the phone, if I forgot to think about her feelings, she would let me know by using less enthusiasm in her voice. 

Conversations are difficult to read now. How can I tell by my daughters text message that she is upset? She didn't say she was upset. She didn't end the text with a frown =( And last week, when Betty Jo was IM'ing with me, she couldn't tell that I was offended. She didn't see all of the things that I erased before I hit enter. I told her that she was being hurtful, then I erased it. 

I've become aware. I've seen my lack of consideration and how it affects the people I love. I will add quickly, even if I don't express the words...it matters even in my thoughts. I was inconsiderate to a peer when I was bragging on myself with my friend. That peer is oblivious...but I am aware.

Expect to hear some kind words from me soon. Inspiring words are pretty easy to come by. It only takes a moment to make someone's day. So if you CAN say something nice...then by all means...SAY IT!!!