I Will Always Have That Hope

My skin is incessantly itching. 

I have a lump in my throat. I feel like I could vomit.

My head is pounding.

I can't stop clenching my teeth.

I feel dehydrated, as if I haven't had a drop of water in days.

This, my friends, is a typical Sunday...the entire day...during every semester of college. I usually excel when pushed to the end of a time limit. In fact, I often put things off until the last minute knowing that I will prevail. For some reason, and it truly boggles my mind why, I can't seem to get it together as far as my studies go. 

I always have a plan. I will spend a specific amount of time studying each day. I will stay up after Logan goes to sleep and study for at least two hours. Logan always winds up staying awake until after 1 a.m. when I plan like that. I can't function on three house of sleep, therefore, my plans to get up at 4 a.m. have just been squelched. 

I wake up in time to get Chris and Kayla to school. Dash off to Zumba in Tiawah. I'm early, so I will sit and study for at least an hour before anyone shows up. Oh, look! I just got a text message...wonder who that could be from? Well, since I've got my phone out, I'll just check Facebook real quick. And before I know it, my first few peeps start to show up. So much for studying a bit. Zumba on for an hour, pick things up, and head back home. By the time I get home, I could eat my own weight in food because I am STARVING!!! So I eat lunch with Logan.

Lunch is all done. Now time to try to get Logan to take a nap. Three hours later, I am either still trying, or I have fallen asleep with him. Aaannndddd now it's time to get Chris and Kayla from school. I get them home, snacks served up and ready to eat, look over at Logan in his high chair...sound asleep...drooling. Fantastic. It is now 4:30 p.m. Time to start dinner prep (if mom isn't home and working on it already). By the time dinner is eaten, everyone is settled, and I can study some more, I have run into the exact same routine that I experienced the day before. 

I usually wind up spending all of Saturday and Sunday trying to shovel as much information as possible into my insanely busy mind hoping to be able to successfully regurgitate it for the assignments that I will have to do. I have a panic attack in my mind, ALL. DAY. LONG.

Why do I put myself through this time after time? Why don't I make the necessary changes in order to have a more successful career in college? Why? Why? Why?

Fabulous questions. I don't know the answer to any of them. I just muddle along and do the best that I can. That is all I can do...is my best. 

Actually, I can do more...I can hope. Hope that one day all of these comes easy. Hope that somehow, someway, I can get Logan to bed around 9 p.m., get up at 4 a.m. with Tom and Logan not wake up raring to go, get the kids everything they need throughout the day, Zumba, get my school work finished...dare I say it...{whispering} early, and still manage to properly hydrate, feed, and rest myself. I will always have that hope, until maybe one day, some magic lil' fairy will come reprogram my life to flow smoothly.