Chaos. A fairly constant state in my life. Have you ever seen Ally McBeal? Just a tiny little glimpse into my mind on at least a daily basis. At least once a day I have, what I like to call, an "Ally Moment". I can envision someone's head exploding, and most of the time it is mine. Stress. I am a perfectionist. I could probably be diagnosed with a mild amount of OCD. And I am surrounded by a husband and two kids (can't really count the baby) that are the complete opposite. With that information in hand, lets skip some frames and get into the heavy of the story.
I had to complete an exam for my Sports Law class by 11:55 p.m. on Feb 27, 2011. I was allotted 75 minutes for said exam. I asked my husband if he would corral the kids and keep them out of our room so that I could take the test uninterrupted. He gladly obliged. I finished my test with around 20 minutes left open. I scored at the minimum a 78% on it. Given the amount of time that I didn't spend studying, that is a very desirable grade. I had a couple of text messages and FB notifications to respond too after my exam was done.
Shortly after my husband came in the room, the "Ally Moment" was blaring in my mind. It was around 9:45 pm. The baby was still awake. The three (we got to keep his daughter tonight) kids were in bed. He was in the bathroom. Pretty much EVERY. LIGHT. IN. THE. HOUSE. was on. The baby's movie was playing. Uhmmm, HULLO!!! Why? Is it only my fingers that are genetically capable of turning power off? Is my body the ONLY one in the family that has the capacity to clean up? Baby toys were strewn from the back door to the front door. Dinner dishes lain unrinsed on the counter. Remains of tonight's meal were abandoned on the stove.
My daughter was up (past her bedtime) eating a pb&j. She is convinced now (Thank you Grandma) that she is struggling with low blood sugar. I expressed to her in total frustration and sarcasm that I wished that I was a kid in this house or a husband of mine. Because then I would get to spend the evening with the family cutting up, playing games, having a good time. Leaving every light in that part of the house on, all the baby toys laying around, and I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty.
And then it happened.
The "AM" (Ally Moment"). I reached over to start putting the dishes in the dishwasher. And I saw it. The droplings. My wonderful, amazing, astounding, husband...had loaded a dip...dropped some of it on the counter...and LEFT. IT. THERE.
Truth be told, he didn't see it. I don't have to ask and I know this. He would never intentionally leave things for me to take care of. And therein lies the problem. He never intentionally avoids it. He would have gone to bed with the movie playing, toys strewn all over, doors unlocked, lights on and the dishes would have still been there in the morning. It took me 15 minutes to get it back in order. A drop in the hat for time. But why should I always have to be the one to do it?
Oh! I was ready for my head to just implode! Ranting on and on in my head. Negativity after negativity.
Then everyone went to bed. I grabbed my Nook. I started reading Sheet Music. Leman was talking about backgrounds, and rulebooks, and all sorts of things about how to discover your spouse. I mean, REALLY. DISCOVER. YOUR. SPOUSE. The nerves started to calm. The stress started to lift. I read the chapter I was currently in, then I closed that book and opened The Bible. I began reading Proverbs. I am now so incredibly calm. Enlightened. Empowered with The Word.
Yes, God. I hear you loud and clear!
4 comments:
First, I am glad you are writing again, well that you're taking time to write I guess I should say. Secondly, I've heard that what happened tonight at your house happens at homes across the nation; nightly. I guess that's why they coined the phrase, Motherhood, the toughest job you'll ever love. They just should have added mother and spouse. I admire the strength of mothers and wives worldwide to be able to maintain their sanity and relative calm demeanor in the face of chaos. It has been my experience that people with OCD and who classify theirselves as perfectionists often make the most amazing parents, and leaders. Order in chaos is a good thing. Maybe you could try giving yourself one night of trying it his way, just go in the bedroom and close the door on the mess; and TRY to sleep. I know this sounds hard, impossible even, trust I know! My point is, if you can't beat em; lol join them (once and awhile) because let's be honest there are two types of people in the world, take outers, and put awayers. That's Sam's two cents.
Awesome post! And I'm proud of you. :)
Sam! You know me so well =) It's not always calm and collected. I have exploded before. That is usually very good motivation for the rest of the fam!
Jen, thank you! Your support is part of my sanity still lingering around!
WOW! I'm impressed. But I must say you are so respectful to calm down so that you don't act crazy. Sure would be nice for someone to show you that same respect. Respect you enough to show you that you are important and appreciated. Respect that says, "You do so much without ever hearing a Thank You." You deserve it my dear.
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